The Force Awakens

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Oh God, how I loved the new Star Wars movie. Not in a restrained way where I cooly appraised it as an artistic endeavour – in a goofy, gleeful way that had me clapping, whimpering with happiness and leaving the cinema with tears streaming down my face. Twice. I am 38 years old.

Anyway, this unmitigated joyfest had one sudden, brief, very unexpected side effect. I should point out that there are plot spoilers ahead, but then if you haven’t seen this movie yet … I mean, what the hell, dude? Have you got young children or something?

First, some background: in the runup to Kitty’s birth (in March) one of my very best friends told me about the moment he realised he was going to be a dad. It was when, in the labour ward, the midwife told him to “go and get a nappy and some baby clothes.” He assured me this moment would arrive for me, and once Kitty was here, asked me when it had been. I said it was when they asked me to go and cut the cord.

But this wasn’t true. The first moment happened much earlier, in December, watching The Force Awakens. As Han Solo confronted Kylo Ren – his son – resigned to the fact that this was probably the final act of his life, a little internal voice muttered to me that I was going to be a father, with all the responsibility that entails. My chest tightened and for a few moments I genuinely teetered on the precipice of a panic attack. After all, if Han Solo himself couldn’t stop his progeny becoming a psychotic Sith loon with grandaddy issues, what hope did I have? Hey, I didn’t say this was rational, it’s just what happened. Then, of course, the loon murdered his father, Chewie howled and I was back in a galaxy far, far away.

I forgot all about it until quite recently, but I’m now certain that moment of flickering terror, daunting though it was, was my first true realisation that I was going to be a dad. So I’m especially fond of that movie these days, and not just because it utterly transported me from the opening frames; but because it provided me with a little awakening of my own. Nice one, JJ.

(BTW, I couldn’t find a credit for the lovely pic above. If it’s yours, let me know and I’ll amend things!)

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